Sometimes we don’t see or do not want to see the problems we’re creating in our own lives. If we admit that we’re making bad decisions, then we would have to do something about them.
Following are some of the ways that we avoid taking responsibility: Denial – This is when we don’t even know that we are lying to ourselves. We refuse to accept reality and often behave like a painful experience did not or does not exist. This defense mechanism often begins in childhood and can continue into old age. Projecting – When you accuse others of having unacceptable impulses which you’re experiencing you project the thoughts onto what may be innocent men and women. People who endeavor often state what”should” be happening in the lives of others while decreasing their own involvement in precisely the identical thinking or behaviours. Stress is reduced as you focus on what other people are doing rather than on your own issues.
3. Rationalizing – This is when you’ve been reckless in some area but, rather than accepting and adjusting this, you use excuses to justify so that you are not viewed negatively.
4. Intellectualizing – As in rationalizing, you think of an excuse for something that you did but instead of being emotional about it, you just distance yourself from the problem and continue.
5. Regressing – In times of stress, you may revert to a younger country and act in a childish way.
6. Repressing – When events or events are hard to handle, you could block all memory of them. If you do not remember them, you don’t need to deal with them! Exercising – This is a means of using extreme behaviours to reduce your stress. Temper tantrums in children can continue into adulthood as forms of abuse.
It’s not simple to be mature adults, particularly if we’ve been using defense mechanisms for most of our lives.
Accepting responsibility for our thoughts and actions can be facilitated by a number of things:
1. Awareness – This can happen when things are pointed out to us by somebody who we respect. A friend, spouse or colleague who cares might say the very thing which helps us to realize what we’ve been doing. Do not worry about them. Thank them for helping!
2. Knowledge – At this time, all we know is all we know. Taking a course, joining a group or attending a class can provide us with information that will help us to understand things differently.
3. Skills – Learning approaches to manage stress and problems differently will lead to different outcomes.
4. Practice – Trying new techniques will lead to expertise and positive change over time.
5. Forgiveness – One of the toughest things to do is to forgive ourselves when we realize how we’ve failed in an area. Think about how you would deal with a friend who’d done the same thing and apply that grace to yourself.
Change, for some people, is a scary thing. But for people who are struggling, it may be a welcomed relief. If you really want to live a wholesome life and build mutually-beneficial relationships, the first step is to consider if and how defense mechanisms are interfering with the procedure.